Bid on Dib
by Noname the Weird
Summary: Continued by unpopular demand! When Noname (THAT'S ME!) figures out that Dib spelled backwards is bid, her little sister Tead decides that the two of them should go sell him on eBay.com! *My 1st Fic*
1. Prologue

Bid on Dib : The Prologue

A story by The Person with no Name a.k.a Noname.

A/N: I thank my sister, Tead, for some help on the story. The prologue here is very short. It's also very weird, so be warned. Flame all you want, but remember, I have doom on my side! MWHAHAHAHA! 

Disclaimer: Invader Zim ain't mine :P.

One Friday night, my little sister and I were watching Invader Zim in my room. And we were hyper. Very hyper. Very, very hyper. Very, very, very hyper. Very, very, very, very hyper. Very, very, very... oh never mind. You get the idea. And it was a new episode, _Hobo 13_. And it was funny. Very funny. Very, very... ouch. A green weasel bit my tongue. 

After the episode, I asked Tead (my little sister) a question: "Why is Dib's head so big?"

"Tomatoes!" Tead replied.

"No wonder..." I said with awe. "Hey, did you know that that 'Dib' is backwards for 'bid'?"

"Wow, I didn't know that!" She said. Then suddenly, a magical fluorescent light bulb floated above her head.

"AHHHHH!" I screamed. "There's a magical fluorescent light bulb floating on your head! My room is HAUNTED!" 

"No, your room isn't haunted. I just have an idea." Tead said quite calmly. "Let's kidnap Dib and sell him on eBay.com!"

"Why?"

"TOMATOES!"

"Oh. Good reason." And so I began my little journey (with Tead) to a little town I like to call Townsville...

...Not. I didn't call it anything. Actually, I did. No I didn't! Yes I did! No! Yes! No! Yes! NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOO! YYYYYYYYYEEESSSSSSSS! All right, fine. I did… not. 


	2. The REEEALY Short Chapter About Capturin...

Bid on Dib: The REEEALLY Short Chapter About Capturing a Dib

A story by Noname and Tead. Told in Noname's POV.

A/N: I promise I will do longer chapters next time…

Disclaimer: Trust me, one day I WILL own Invader Zim, oh yes I will…

Dib was walking on the street, drinking Poop juice when he saw what he thought was Zim. It was actually a plushie filled with straw, made to look like Zim. Nevertheless, it was convincing to the low-life, melon-headed, idio- ouch. I have just barely survived a nuclear war created by fangirls. That really hurt.

Anyway, it was convincing to the... Dib. He ran and grabbed the bait, which was the plushie, which on the back of the neck was a hook, which was connected with the line of a fishing pole, which was held by me, who was sitting next to my little sister, which we were on top of a skyscraper. Gasp. That was a long sentence, wasn't it? "I'VE GOT YOU, EVIL ALIEN SCUM!" Dib screamed.

Meanwhile, on the skyscraper:

"I think I got something on the line!" I exclaimed.

"Yay!" Tead exclaimed with joy. "Hurry up, reel it in!"

"OK." I started to reel in the catch of the day. I first reeled it quickly, then reeled it slower so, whatever I caught, wouldn't loose grip on the hook.

One minute later, I finally reeled it all in. I gasped with surprise: "I caught a Dib!" I said with joy.

"Tomatoes!" Tead yelled out.

Suddenly I noticed something… the Dib wasn't awake!

"Oh no! I killed Dibby!" I cried. I started poke him, then realized that he was just asleep. "Oh." I muttered.

A long pause…

"Quick, Tead! Get the net before he wakes up!" I commanded.

"OK!" She grabbed the net, which was on her head. "Got it!" Tead then swiped the net under the Dib, thus capturing him.

"That went well." I said. "Now, to get an account on eBay…"


	3. The Almighty Power of Daydreaming

Bid on Dib: The Almighty Power of Daydreaming

A story by Noname and Tead. Told in Noname's POV.

A/N - Noname: In order to stop me from going insane-

Tead: You already are.

Noname: Really? Oh well. Anyway, I'm going to make one last disclaimer. Just one last one. And it's going to sound all official and stuff, too! 

Tead: YAY!

Noname: Anyway, ON TO THE STORY!

Disclaimer: Noname and Tead do not own Dib or Invader Zim, Nicklodeon, Viacom, and Jhonen Vasquez do. They also don't own Takato. Saban and Toei Animation do. They don't own Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, Voldemort, or Professor Quirrel, either. All of that belongs to J.K. Rowling and Warner Bros.. Noname, however, does own a mallet with no head, and Tead owns a Styrofoam sword. And both objects are very powerful weapons indeed...

*_*_*

Tead and I were walking down the streets quite normally, if that was even possible. For Tead was holding a net containing a sleeping Dibby. And everyone who walked by stared at us. But we didn't care. For we were DAYDREAMING!!! (Dum, dum, dum, DUM!)

Tead was daydreaming about riding pink bunnies in Candyland, when an evil dude with a surfboard came out. She then ordered the pink bunnies to attack him. But the evil dude ate them! Sadly, the bunnies were sugar bunnies, and Tead got very angry. Very, very angry. Very, very, very angry. Very, very, very, very angry. Very, very, very... ouch. Someone threw a ship twice the size of Titanic at me. That hurt.

"YOU. ATE. TONIGHT'S. DESSERT!!!" She screamed out in public. She then ate the evil dude. Pity he was made of gingerbread...

Everyone stared at her.

But she didn't care.

I was daydreaming about going to a Harry Potter convention. Tead was dressed as Harry, a 10-year-old named Takato was dressed as Ron Weasley, and I was dressed as Noname. Tead was testing out a Potion Class toy thingy when suddenly the whole convention went dark. An evil red light shone upon her, and holy "aahs" began to play. She created the actual Sorceror's Stone! Then, an evil figure crept behind her.

"Look out, Tead!" I yelled. "It's Voldemort!"

Indeed it was! The alien-looking figure suddenly grabbed her, trying to steal the Sorceror's Stone. "Touch him!" I screamed to Tead. "You're Harry Potter!" And so she did. And he turned into lime jelly!

"YAY!" Everyone in the convention cheered. Suddenly, Professor Quirrel appeared out of nowhere and said "Hi!" Then Voldemort turned into his old self and Quirrel turned into lime jelly. Voldemort then laughed an evil laugh then disappeared. "WE'LL GET YOU NEXT TIME!" I yelled. "OH YES WE WILL, YOU-"

(A/N: I've actually had this for a dream once…)

"Huh? Where am I?" A confused Dibby asked. 

Suddenly we turned around with HUGE demonic grins. In fact, they were so big, they went off of our faces.

"HIYA, DIBBY!" I said (or screamed) on the top of my lungs.

"WHO ARE YOU!" The Dibby asked. "And... why am I in a net?"

Tead was apparently still daydreaming, and also apparently, she then awoke. "WHO? WHAT? WHEN? WHERE? WHY?!!! Oh... Hi Dib!" Then she continued daydreaming. "Another victory for... ME!!!"

Dibby looked confused.

"Stop calling me that!" He said, a bit annoyed.

"Calling you what, Dibby?" I asked politely, with that insane smile still on my face.

"That!"

"What?"

"Dibby! It's annoying..."

"Oh. OK, Dibby."

Dibby decided to ignore my name-calling (good for him) and get back to his point, if he had any. "Exactly why am I in a net?" He repeated.

Suddenly, I got out a sailor's hat and a bubble-blowing pipe. "Arrg… Listen to me tale…"

*_*_*

Noname: Well, that was short. Heh. And sorry for not updating for like forever. Stupid Writer's Block! Oh and don't forget to R/R!!! 


	4. SSBM is Fun, Is It Not?

Bid on Dib: SSBM is Fun, Is It Not?

A story by Noname. Told in Noname's POV.

A/N: Hmm... Let's see. It's been over three months since I've updated, and somehow an author found about me and threatened me to finish the story. Well, since Tead isn't going to work with me anymore, I'm sad to tell you all that it won't be too funny. Heck, it wasn't really funny in the start. Not only that, but I have this other story I need to update. I think I'm going to delete it. *sigh* Oh well…

Disclaimer: See previous chapter :P.

*_*_*

"You're going to sell me on eBay?!!" Dibby shouted.

"Aye." I said. I then blew more bubbles.

"But that's insane!"

I then took off my hat and pipe thingy. "Insane like a moose, Dibby! Insane like a moose..." I cackled, trying to do my best imitation of you-know-who... What? You don't know who? Oh, you poor doomed child...

Dibby raised an eyebrow, then suddenly a look of realization dawned on his face...

"Hey! You're working for Zim, aren't you?"

I looked shocked. "Now why would I work for Zimmy?"

"Because you talk like him, walk like him, think like him..."

"No I don't."

"Yes you do."

"No I don't."

"Yes you do."

"No I don't."

"Yes you do."

"No I don't."

"Yes you do."

"No I don't."

"Yes you do."

And this goes on for an hour... until we reached our house... of DOOM!

"Look! We reached our house... of DOOM!" Tead screamed.

"Yay." Dibby said uncheerfully. Go figure.

Anyway, so we all went to the doorstep, and then Tead rapidly pressed the doorbell a million times. Suddenly our mom opened the door.

"THE DOOR WAS UNLOCKED!!!" She yelled at us, spitballs flying everywhere.

"Oh." Was the only thing Tead could say. Then we walked into our house quite calmly [A/N: Heh, I like that phrase...] and finally released Dibby of his netty prison.

"Yes, I'm free!" He said with joy. Dibby then bolted for the door. "C' ya!" 

"Hold it right there!" I said as I slammed the door shut before he could get to it. "The only reason we let you free was because we wanted to take a picture of you!" I then took a picture using my dad's digital camera before the Dibby could reply. 

"Lock him in the cage!" I commanded. All of a sudden bars from the ground surrounded the scythe-haired boy, thus making this spiffy cage! "OK, now that we're at our comfy home of doom, I can go to my computer and get an eBay account!"

"What do I do with our prisoner?" Tead inquired as I walked up the stairs.

"Teach him how to play..." A dramatic pause.

"...SSBM."

"What does that stand for?" Dib asked, a tone of fear in his voice.

I tippy-toed so I looked taller and scarier. "You dare to ask about It's Holy Greatness?"

"Y-Yes."

"Fine. It stands for..." I looked around to make sure no one was looking.

"Super Smash Brothers... MELEE!"

"Meleé." Tead corrected me.

"Whatever."

So, while Tead was teaching Dib how to play SSBM, I entered the computer room, turned on the computer, logged in, and went on the Internet. I typed in "ebay.com" onto the address bar. When the site loaded, I immediately _yugioh doujinshi _to check to see if there were any chibi Yugi pictures. Of course, you probably don't know what the heck I'm talking about, so I'm just going to fast-forward to another part of the story. Okay? Okay. 

Out of nowhere, a voice suddenly said to me, "Noname, I am your father!"

"My dad doesn't call me Noname." I replied, raising my eyebrows.

"Darn, it didn't work this time…" The voice paused, and then continued. "Anyhow, you must stop looking at those pictures of Chibi Yugi and get an eBay account." 

"Aww… But Yugi looks so CUTE when he's chibi-fied! Just one more picture, pwease Mister or Miss voice-from-who-knows-where-but-Professor-Membrane? Pweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-" -breath- "-eeeeeeeeeeese?"

"Yeah, sure, whatever. JUST one more…"

"THANKIES!!!"

The voice sighed and went away and never came back. Well, actually, it could be standing next me right now, but I really don't care!

All of a sudden, I heard Dibby screamed! I ran to my bedroom/the game room to see what happened. That was when I saw it…

*_*_*

Woo! I actually updated! Amazing huh? And who knows? Maybe I'll update again ^_~.


	5. The Evilness of Britney Spears

Bid on Dib: The Evilness of Britney Spears

A story by The Person with No Name. Told in Noname's POV.

A/N: I changed the rating to PG merely because there's a small swear word during this chapter. Nothing much.

Disclaimer: Screw the disclaimer! Whoever says I own Invader Zim will have a little talk with The Mallet of Doomy Doominess a.k.a. MODD!

*_*_*

Dibby was tied up and was hanging upside-down just inches away from a cauldron filled with boiling rat blood! With Jimmy Neutron's massive head in my TV screen! There was only one person I knew that was insane enough to do such a thing…

"Pikachu!" I cried out. "Why are you doing this? Why? WHY?!"

"Not Pikachu, you insane fool!" A very evil voice said. I spun around to see someone no other than…

"Britney Spears? Eh… I was close enough." I eyed her carefully. She was in a bikini. Ugh. 

"No you weren't!" She snapped. "Anyway, I'm here to have my revenge on YOU!"

"For what?"

"For embarrassing and trying to kill me two years ago, that's what! Remember?"

**Flashback**

__

Our class sat at the very back row. Thankfully.

For some utterly retarded reason, our principle invited Britney Spears to our skool for an assembly. It was "to improve on our singing skills and achieve all our dreams and hopes". I couldn't believe the principal was that stupid. Oh well. I sat at the last seat in the left end, covering my ears so I couldn't hear Britney's horribly mutated voice. So voices can't be mutated. Does it really matter?

Out of nowhere a voice whispered into my ear, "Kill her".

"Wh-what?" I asked nervously.

"Kill the girl dressed in pink."

"You mean Britney?"

"Yes."

"But I can't do that! It's against the law to kill anyone, no matter how stupid, annoying, or mean they are."

"I'll give you a packet of Skiiiittles…"

"Okay!" I slipped quietly out of my seat and crawled on the ground to the stage. I think some people were staring at me, but, that's right, I didn't care. Finally I approached the stage. The pink pop star stopped singing and looked at me, smiling.

"What do you want, adoring fan?" She asked in a sickeningly sweet voice. I shuddered. Now was the chance. I grabbed the nearest thing (which happened to be a glass of rubbing alcohol) and hurled it at her sick-minded head. 

"AHH! IT BUUUURNSSS!" She screamed as she fell to the ground, twitching in absolute pain. I smiled. But she was merely injured. The voice told me to kill her…For the sake of Skittles!

"Die Britney Spears! Die and burn in HECK!" I screamed as I seized a microphone, stand and all, and started banging on her. But since I never was really good in PE [A/N: Aren't we all?]_, I didn't beat her up too well. It was good enough, however, for her wig to fall off and show that she was bald! What a surprise. The audience_ _laughed at her. They roared, chuckled, guffawed, giggled, and chortled at the truth. Britney stood up and glared at me._

"You BEEPHOLE!" She shrieked. "Why the hell did you do that?!" Just then, Britney ran towards me and tackled me. "You'll pay for what you did, you little-"

"Get her!" A masculine voice commanded. Two men with white cloths in their hands dashed towards Britney and detached her from me. After that, they used the white cloths to make a nice jacket for the female singer.

"I'll get you for this, random kid! I'll get you GOOOOOD!!!" Britney hollered as she was dragged away from a stage and was thrown into a padded truck.

**End Flashback**

"Hmm…Now that I think about it, I do remember trying to kill a annoying pop star of some sort." I murmured. "Maybe it _was _you…"

"That's because it WAS me, you idiot!" Britney yelled. She then cleared her throat. "Anyway, now that you remembered that dreadful thing you did, I will now dip your big-headed friend into boiling rat blood, as mentioned in the first paragraph!"

"My head's not big!" Dibby claimed. "And I'm not her friend."

The pop star smirked. "It doesn't matter." She announced. "I'm going to burn you alive anyway for the fun of it." She then took out a remote control from out of nowhere and pressed a button. The rope that held Dibby began to lower, thus making the poor boy closer and closer to his impending doom! Oh no.

"Wait!" I exclaimed.

The rope stopped lowering, and now Dibby was just an inch away, from being scalped. "What?" Britney asked in a nasty tone.

"Before you kill Dibby, can I ask you one thing?"

"Sure, go right ahead."

"How come you haven't tried to get revenge on me before? I mean, come on! You had two whole freakin' years!"

"There was a lot of preparing. Now, I must continue the revenge!" She cackled insanely, then pressed the button.

*_*_*

Heh, I'm evil, aren't I? And yes, this will be the last cliffhanger… for now…


End file.
